I had the most enlightening experience today.
There is this thing that I do on ocassion that I have almost always hated. At first I thought it was a cool thing to do and in a way it was once gratifying I guess. But it has long since lost it's appeal and yet from time to time I still indulge myself in my past stupidity. Said stupidity used to be more frequent, but that frequency began to diminish as I continued to hate it. Now, I rarely do it, but it still bothers me profusely when I do. Like today. For years (yup, years) I keep saying to myself, "Oh well, this isn't going to change. It won't kill me by being stupid once in a while. And God isn't listening to me when I pray to get past this, so obviously it's not that big of a deal anyway." So basically, I have just prayed to God and expected Him to do the rest regardless. Or I would expect Doug to always say, "Don't do that, Heather!" when he was here. It was never about my will power; as you can see, I had none to speak of since I've given up so easily after all these years. I had thought that everything depended on others-my parents to teach me better, my siblings to treat me better, Doug to tell me no, Christ to just take this annoyance away. But I figured out today that it isn't any of that.
I was reading in the book "Broken Things to Mend" by Jeffrey R. Holland when I stumbled upon a scripture story and Elder Holland retells it with his own commentary. We've all heard the story: A father with an afflicted child first comes to the disciples, having a small amount of hope and faith that they can help. However, they could not provide the help needed and a shouting match is started amongst the disciples. This is when Christ walks onto the scene. The father then turns to Christ and with a weary, last resort kind of tone says:
"If thou canst do anything, have compassion on us, and help us.
"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:14-24).
Elder Holland then adds his own remarks, which is what struck me. "Only now, in this exchange, does he [the father] grasp that a great deal of the answer to his quest rests upon his own shoulders, or, more accurately, in his own soul." It is not what the world will do for us, it is what we will do for ourselves! I hadn't thought, for some reason, that it is my own faith that determines whether or not Christ can help me. No matter how big, small, or insignificant the thing may be. Obviously I will never get entirely past this pet peeve of mine that I inherenetly hate if I don't have the faith I can do it. If I claim it is never going to change, then it never will. If I lack the faith and hope, then what cause does God or Christ have to do it? I have to have faith, I have to believe for things to happen. Inside, I guess I've aways known that, but it was never plainly stated to me quite like it was here by Elder Holland.
From now on, I will believe.
There is this thing that I do on ocassion that I have almost always hated. At first I thought it was a cool thing to do and in a way it was once gratifying I guess. But it has long since lost it's appeal and yet from time to time I still indulge myself in my past stupidity. Said stupidity used to be more frequent, but that frequency began to diminish as I continued to hate it. Now, I rarely do it, but it still bothers me profusely when I do. Like today. For years (yup, years) I keep saying to myself, "Oh well, this isn't going to change. It won't kill me by being stupid once in a while. And God isn't listening to me when I pray to get past this, so obviously it's not that big of a deal anyway." So basically, I have just prayed to God and expected Him to do the rest regardless. Or I would expect Doug to always say, "Don't do that, Heather!" when he was here. It was never about my will power; as you can see, I had none to speak of since I've given up so easily after all these years. I had thought that everything depended on others-my parents to teach me better, my siblings to treat me better, Doug to tell me no, Christ to just take this annoyance away. But I figured out today that it isn't any of that.
I was reading in the book "Broken Things to Mend" by Jeffrey R. Holland when I stumbled upon a scripture story and Elder Holland retells it with his own commentary. We've all heard the story: A father with an afflicted child first comes to the disciples, having a small amount of hope and faith that they can help. However, they could not provide the help needed and a shouting match is started amongst the disciples. This is when Christ walks onto the scene. The father then turns to Christ and with a weary, last resort kind of tone says:
"If thou canst do anything, have compassion on us, and help us.
"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:14-24).
Elder Holland then adds his own remarks, which is what struck me. "Only now, in this exchange, does he [the father] grasp that a great deal of the answer to his quest rests upon his own shoulders, or, more accurately, in his own soul." It is not what the world will do for us, it is what we will do for ourselves! I hadn't thought, for some reason, that it is my own faith that determines whether or not Christ can help me. No matter how big, small, or insignificant the thing may be. Obviously I will never get entirely past this pet peeve of mine that I inherenetly hate if I don't have the faith I can do it. If I claim it is never going to change, then it never will. If I lack the faith and hope, then what cause does God or Christ have to do it? I have to have faith, I have to believe for things to happen. Inside, I guess I've aways known that, but it was never plainly stated to me quite like it was here by Elder Holland.
From now on, I will believe.
