3 Years

Right before the clock changes to the next day, I have to say this; officially it's been 3 years. 3 years ago today, Doug came to my house to help me with math then cutely asked if I wanted a hug before he left. :) After we'd had so much fun those couple hours together, and actually got together. 3 years... and only 8 months until he comes home :) Followed by an eternity of years. That sounds really nice right about now... :)

I love you Douglas. Oh so very much. ♥

I'm Two Timing...

You want to know what I love? NCIS. Namely, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Yes.

Love him.

You want to know what I love? NCIS. Namely, Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Yes.

Love him.

But SHH!

Don't tell Doug ;)

A Picture of Something I Love

This truly is getting repetitive...

All right, all right. Fine. Something other than this boy that I love?

Please continue:

Roses

Traveling, The Gospel, Languages

Tangled :D

Music, particularly cello.

And last, but most certainly not least:

Really big toilets.

:P

Oh Boy...

Honestly I just chuckle every time I see comparison pictures of Doug before he left, and how he's looking now...

Then...

Now...

He's officially a total chub, and I could never love him more. Honestly, seeing him happy and smiling is worth everything the last 17 months have put me through. So what if he's gained a few extra pounds? :P It makes me giggle. But in all honesty, a part of me kinda likes it, and, *gasp* might even prefer it.

Maybe it's just the green tie...

Most Treasured Item

Nothing more to say:

Hearts Alone

Today is one of those days where my heart just hurts. It feels alone. And I'm not entirely sure why. It's like there's this deep longing for a connection with someone, something I haven't had in a really long time. I don't connect much to people anymore. I thought I had a wall up when I was an early teenager? That was nothing compared to this. Back then I didn't understand fear and being scared, truly scared. I never knew how scared I really could be, until Doug left. And since then, I'm so afraid of people, of getting close to anyone, and having them leave me. Just like he has.

I know, I know. He's where he should be, and in all honesty I am glad he's out in Ukraine. And, yes, he is coming back in 8 months. But that doesn't change this deep ache located somewhere in the left side of my chest.

Maybe going to Phantom twice was a bad idea. Now I just miss him. Especially with Valentine's Day coming up on Monday.

Come on heart. Suck it up. Smile a little more, and remember what it's like to be happy. You were content when you woke up this morning and have been for weeks, so lets get back to that state shall we?

Please, and thank you.

Yeah... I kinda miss him a lot.

Adam and Eve: A Type or Shadow?

Symbolism truly is one of the most amazing things. And the more I look into it and try to find deeper meanings, the more impressed I am. For instance, I'll take a simple one, Adam and Eve, to illustrate this for you:

In the Old Testament, there is more than enough symbolism to go around right? Half the time, we can't really decipher what is supposed to be taught and we struggle to understand. But I think this will be a simple one for all. And perhaps it will show just how simplistic many of the symbols really are, if we just cared to look.

In Genesis when it talks of Adam and Eve and when they partook of the fruit of knowledge, what was their initial reaction? To cover themselves from God, right? They immediately felt and realized what it was like to be naked in the sight of God and themselves. But not only physically, but spiritually as well, for they had sinned. Although it was part of the Great Plan, it was still a sin for they had disobeyed God's commandment to not partake of the fruit. So, they were now unclean and unfit to be in the presence of God continually.

But God understood them. He understood the problems and the shame they were feeling. And He helped them. He gave each of them a garment, a covering of skin. Physically, this made it so they were no longer naked... But think of the symbolism behind that.

Chances are, that animal would have had to be sacrificed in order to receive the skins to clothe them. A sacrifice that covered them. Now here's the fun part: Isn't that exactly what Christ has done for us? Could this have just been a type or shadow of what Christ would later do for each of us? Perhaps this was God's way of letting us know he would provide a way for us. I must quote a great article by Lenet Read who puts this perfectly:

"Might it [the giving of the skin coverings] have been a witness that God himself would  provide a covering for his children, all of whom would experience spiritual nakedness-that  is, being exposed to his judgmental eye? For through the sacrifice made by Christ, our sins  may be covered, if we repent. Looked at this way, the symbolism of Adam and Eve's coats of  skins teaches of Christ and helps us prepare spiritually, that eventually we may once again  dare to stand in the presence of God unashamed."

I hope that we all may look deeper into the symbolism of the scriptures so that we may find those deeper meanings God is trying to help us understand. He loves us, wants us to be happy, and wants us to understand all the mysteries of the heavens. But we first must do our part and seek diligently to find the answers and true meanings of the symbols.

Pathway to Happiness

One day, I'll find a way to get here...

Until then,

I will accept the hand I've been dealt after shuffling the cards

and wonder in awe at the day when all things come together.

Perfectly.

Blame

You know the day.

Where all is amiss.

I sit here

And wonder.

What have I done?

Where am I going?

How did I get here?

I think of where I can place the blame.

Past.

Present.

Future.

They all are to blame.

Because I can blame no one but myself.

And so now I wonder;

Who am I?

What have I got to offer the world?

How can I help others,

When I can't even help myself?...

...

...

...I can't even help myself.