Today is one of those days where my heart just hurts. It feels alone. And I'm not entirely sure why. It's like there's this deep longing for a connection with someone, something I haven't had in a really long time. I don't connect much to people anymore. I thought I had a wall up when I was an early teenager? That was nothing compared to this. Back then I didn't understand fear and being scared, truly scared. I never knew how scared I really could be, until Doug left. And since then, I'm so afraid of people, of getting close to anyone, and having them leave me. Just like he has.
I know, I know. He's where he should be, and in all honesty I am glad he's out in Ukraine. And, yes, he is coming back in 8 months. But that doesn't change this deep ache located somewhere in the left side of my chest.
Maybe going to Phantom twice was a bad idea. Now I just miss him. Especially with Valentine's Day coming up on Monday.
Come on heart. Suck it up. Smile a little more, and remember what it's like to be happy. You were content when you woke up this morning and have been for weeks, so lets get back to that state shall we?
Please, and thank you.
Yeah... I kinda miss him a lot.
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