Unique

"No woman was ever quite like you. The Lord made only one, without carbons. You are not repeated and not repeatable. No one else can do what the Lord sent you to do. The value of what you have to contribute will come through the expression of your own personality, that particular spark of the divine that make you unique, setting you off from every other living creature. The mark you leave on the world, on the hearts and minds of 
others is as distinct as your thumb print." -Sister Barbara B. Smith


I'm so grateful to be unique. I'm so grateful for God, who knows where I'm at in life. I'm grateful that He knows the greatness I am capable of, despite my faults and frailties. 

I Choose to be Pure

https://lds.org/youth/video/i-choose-to-be-pure?lang=eng

Such an amazing video. Such a great message. Six young people of various faiths speak candidly about why they have chosen to be sexually pure. This gave me chills by the end. I'm tired of so many people saying they can't curb their want and need for any kind of sexual relation. "You haven't been through college without..." whatever. I don't buy that. I don't believe that. Don't tell me it's just because I'm a Mormon. It's because I can feel it's right. It's because I know how sacred such acts are. It's because I know I have control over myself, the world doesn't.

Past

"If Satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future..."

"You are not my judge in Israel, so it doesn't matter what you think." 

So true these statements are. The power in remembering that no matter what, we, having bodies, are more powerful than Lucifer himself is always an encouraging thought. And frankly, it's a nice reminder also that Satan (and just about everyone who thinks that they truly should have a say in your life when really they shouldn't) isn't the one that is going to be judging my works here on the earth. I will be whom I will be and shall be judged not only by my actions, but by the sincere desires of my heart. And gratefully, it's no human being or evil spirit that will be doing that judging.

I really am excited for the eternities to come...

Famous Friend

So this last week (or a little more I suppose) Russia organized their first Stake for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! And that's super exciting, seriously. The church growing over where the Soviet Union once was is incredible. But for me, that's not the only exciting news...

Yeah, that girl there in the pink? She's an American. And I'm friends with her. 

 Talk about ironic. American girl in one of the pictures for the paper explaining the excitement for having a stake there. Beat that, Russia ;)

It All Rolls into One

Choices are funny things. Lately I've been noticing just how much even the little choices make a difference and effect our lives.

Take sin for instance. The choice to sin effects us so much, and sometimes we don't even realize it at the time, and we don't realize what it has changed with us until much later. Even just noticing the next day how much worse you feel and the guilt and the weight on your shoulders you put on yourself and the sadness that comes along with it... It all just adds on top of itself. And it never ends, if you continue. It's like that lie that you thought was just a little lie and didn't mean anything at the time, but then it just eats at you. And keeps eating and eating until there's nothing left...

I don't know. I've just had too much time to think lately. And I'm feeling less than awesome. And it just seems like being human is always going to get the best of me... because I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm feeling pretty low right now, and I can't seem to shake it. Because I can't seem to get myself out of the rut I've managed to get myself into.

I know everyone has problems. I know everyone has bad days. But this is so much more than that. And, even though I know others have very similar problems... I still feel scummy. I know I shouldn't, everyone tells me I shouldn't because... well there are a lot of reasons. But I still do.

I wish I could just get in control of my life. I wish I could master myself.

From Love to Bitterness

*Warning: this is a rant post. You may not like it. Read at your own... risk? I don't know. But don't you dare judge me by it; I'm human too.*

So I want to tell you all a story. It goes like this:

"Once upon a time, a few years ago, there were 2 great friends, friends that I would be so bold to call them best friends, at least for a time. Their names were Heather and Brian. 

They got along perfectly well; no drama about either one liking the other, music was a huge factor in their friendship, and they absolutely loved playing video games. They hung out pretty much all the time; went to concerts, did radio shows, ate gassed Oreo's, played Rock Band and sat on the roof talking for hours. He let her cry on his shoulder and protected her, she let him cry and be a real person. They told each other things they rarely told other people. Fears, dreams, pasts, hopes. They talked about their futures and how they'd always be friends, no matter what. She was going to write him on his mission and she would be married to another of his best friends by the time he got home, Doug. When they grew up, their kids would have play dates and their friendship would never die. Heather, Doug and Brian were a trio in high school and everyone knew it. And never once did she think that things were ever going to change between them.

But now, the friendship that meant so much to her is pretty much gone and has dissolved almost entirely..."

A couple years ago, shortly after all the good times we had, Brian started doing things that... well, weren't exactly things he should be doing. It started out small; cheating on girlfriends for instance. But that small things began to grow, and has continued to grow, for the past 2 1/2 years...

At one point, I honestly did call Brian my best friend. He meant that world to me and I wanted all the happiness for him. But just 2 short years has changed him dramatically...

He used to be a faithful LDS member. Someone who stood by what he believed and always made sure others knew that not only he loved them, but Heavenly Father did too. He was so in tune with the spirit. He always was able to help me and was there for me when no one else was. Now he says he's an extremely open minded zen buddhist... Whatever that's supposed to be exactly. 

I don't want this to turn into some bashing post about someone and how much of a horrible person he is. Because honestly, he's not a horrible person at all. Yeah, he's made a lot of decisions I wish he hadn't, and has turned his back on God, Christ, basically all his old friends and his family... but he's still a good guy. It's not that I have anything against people in other religions. I don't. Honestly, ask anyone and I'm one of the most open minded people and empathetic individuals you'll ever meet. It's really rare for me to be super judgmental and honestly hate you or dislike you because you smoke, do drugs, have sex, swear or whatever. I don't agree with those things, but it's your life to live. I accept that. 

I don't know. I guess I just... don't know. I talked to him for like 45 minutes tonight, and I haven't talked to him in, oh 4 months now and... man. He just keeps changing. He's not even close to the guy I knew in high school... I'm only 20. This is messed up! I just... blah. It makes me sad that the one person that I was once soooo sad would miss my wedding because he'd be on a mission... I now don't even want him there. Not because I'm embarrassed by him or don't care about him... but because I don't know him anymore. I've become so bitter because of him. Not because of him... but I've allowed myself to become bitter because he chose to do things differently than he'd promised me so long ago. Because he has agency, just like we all do. I'm bitter because he's gone through hell and back over the last couple years and he can't really figure out why what has happened to him happened to him. Even though it's because he made the choices that have led him there. 

I loved him. Correction, I love him. Truly, I do. I will always care for him; he was my best friend during one of the most important times of my life. I owe him a ridiculous amount of... everything there is. But everything about him makes me sad now. I don't want to let him go. I still have hope that one day he'll be knocked back to his senses and realize all the stupid things he's done and why he's had to go through all the pain and hurt he has. I keep hoping that one day he'll actually admit "Wow, I was stupid." And ask for forgiveness. But honestly, I don't see that day happening, not any time soon anyway... And I can't keep waiting around for it.

Because of how much he's hurt me, I can't even really talk to guys much anymore. Because I'm scared I'll become close to them and be good friends and then he'll turn his back on me, just like Brian did. That he'll backstab me and talk behind my back... not to mention leave me in the dirt, not caring anymore. I mean, I may not have ever been romantically involved with Brian, but as a friend he hurt me more than just about any other friend ever has, times 100,000,000,000, +1. And I miss having guy friends. I miss not having to deal with crappy drama with girls. And I'm bitter about that too.

How does so much love turn to such bitterness?

Man. I miss you Brian. The real Brian.

10 Years in the Making

He's finally gone. Osama bin Laden has been killed by U.S. operatives with Pakistani help in Pakistan.

This was announced tonight all over the country, with President Obama addressing the nation. One small step to bringing eventual peace into the world. And this deserves such celebrations as are taking place all over the nations capital, New York City and, in particularly, Ground Zero. This is something worthy of celebrating. Bringing peace to our fallen world. We do, however, have a long way to go...

I want you all to know something though; I don't celebrate the death of a man. No, I am not happy that this man has died. I do not celebrate the passing of someone, no matter how vile and disgusting that someone may have been. I do however, celebrate the beginning of the death of what this man stood for. I celebrate the death of his lack of moral values, his unethical ways and his disgusting and twisted thinking. I celebrate the lives that may now live because his ideas have been killed with him. I celebrate the men and women who died in the attacks on 9/11. I celebrate the courage of those in Pennsylvania and flight 93 who chose to crash the plane instead of let it hit its target. I celebrate the men and women in our great nations armed forces, those who are enlisted now, have been enlisted and who have died in the service of our country.

 My Country. 

This We'll Defend.

Semper Fidelis. Always Faithful.

Semper Paratus. Always Ready.

Non Sibi Sed Patriae. Not Self but Country

Aim High-Fly, Fight, Win.

I celebrate the United States of America.

In GOD we trust. 

Violachka

You are heaven sent. And I love you. 

I love that you're so kind. I love how much you're doing for me. I love that you understand. I love that you're trying so hard to make this easier on me and Doug.

I love talking to you. I love how alike we are, even though we both have to speak broken Russian and English in order to talk proficiently. I love how you help Doug and Elder Rallison.

And I love your faces. Even when you have a face on that deserves the phrase "If looks could kill..." :P

Yup, pretty much you're awesome. And I can never thank you enough for all you've done, in just a mere week.

A Less Than Instant Instant Message

Today has been a good day.

I got on facebook and had a random message from some girl named Viola... I was confused. I don't know a Viola. But she explained herself...

"hey, i know you don't know me i'm from Ukraine and your boyfriend serving in my city right now..... and i heaкв about you a lot :)" (that's supposed to say "hear" for you people who don't know a Ukrainian or Russian keyboard ;)) 

Hmm. Well. Hello there from the other side of the world! My first thought was "What in the world is he telling you about me?" :P I mean, random girl tells me that she knows a lot about me and knows my boyfriend on a mission half a world away... slightly concerning, no? But all she had to say were good things and amazing things. He's a good guy, he's happy, he's got a companion he really enjoys and is working with a lot of people... All good things. But the best was this:

"i called him 5 min. ago and told him that we are friends with?and he wants tell you somethin he can, so you can do the same, ok'? just know that i can do it :)" 

To translate this into modern English ;) it basically means that if he wants to tell me something quickly, he can tell her and she'll let me know, and I can do the same. She's willing to play the messenger girl ;) I'm not sure I'll use this less than instant instant message, but it's nice to know the option is there, you know, if something slightly important happens. Would've been awesome a week ago when I met Elder Anderson... :P Oh well. The point is, I like this girl already ;) 

Salt Lake Temple: Best Place on Earth

Today was a good day. Here's why;

I went to the Salt Lake Temple today because I hadn't been to that one yet, and I go to Salt Lake every week for a class (or I did anyway but the semester is over now :P). And while I was there, I saw a man baptizing 3 girls with the last name of Goodfellow, and I assumed that he was Brother Goodfellow. And I just kept looking at him with the thought "I know you from somewhere" repeatedly running through my mind. The names they were baptizing for in the SL Temple were Hungarian names, and this man was saying the names very well. One of the Temple Workers asked if he went to a Russian speaking mission. His reply? "No, I went to the Donetsk, Ukraine mission." I gasped. When did he get back? Did he know Doug? That's why he looks so familiar! Elder Goodfellow just recently went home and I've seen his picture a million times on President and Sister Fry's blog of the Donetsk mission! I was thrilled. So much so that I hurried and changed so quick after my baptisms were done and practically ran out into the hall, hoping to find him. Which I did. I awkwardly walked over to him and asked, "You said you went to the Donetsk, Ukraine mission, right?" "Yeah I did." "When did you get back?" "About 3 weeks ago actually." "Really? That's awesome" I said with a HUGE grin on my face. "How well did you know Elder Johnson?" He seemed pretty taken aback by the question. "Really well, actually. Why?" "Well, that's my boyfriend." "Really?! Yeah I was his zone leader when he was with Elder Moore and Elder Valverde in Cold Mountain when he was a greenie. I got to know him really well. Elder Johnson is great!" And the conversation continued. He stood up, asked my name, shook my hand and we chatted a bit. His dad came over and I was introduced to him too, and half his family were gathered around :P It was interesting... But before he left, Elder Goodfellow (I'll be darned if I remember his first name...) turned back around, gave me a smile, a wave and said "I'll see ya later!" Maybe I will... if Doug knew him a lot better than I'm thinking, perhaps he's one of the Elders that will be invited to my wedding... :P

Well, my adventures at the Salt Lake Temple didn't end there. A minute later, no joke a minute later, a man comes walking by. And I think to myself, "You look really familiar too." I felt something change in the temple then. I just felt, happier than I already was feeling. He smiles a great big smile at me (which makes me smile even bigger and feel more awesome), waves and asks, "How are you doing?" I just continued to smile and wave and asked how he was in return. And then as he kept walking away I realized how I knew him. And just as I figured it out, a Temple Worker called out, "Elder Anderson!" I just looked in shock. I now understood why I suddenly felt soooo happy. I just met an Apostle. Elder Niel L. Anderson.

That's what's up.

Salt Lake Temple, you are fantabulous.

Fakes and Hypocrites.

I lose all respect for such people.

I'm all fine and dandy if you don't want to follow the prophets or apostles and their counsel. I'll think you're stupid and probably tell you so, but it's your life. But if you aren't going to follow what they have to say, don't constantly share quotes from them about how special temple covenants are and modesty and how much you love General Conference and listening to all the prophets and apostles and then go roll up your garment sleeves under your immodest wedding dress in front of the temple and go out to California in a skimpy bikini and drink coffee and watch R rated movies! FREAK people! It is one thing to make little mistakes, sin and mess up... we all do it! But for the love. Get a different swimming suit and clothes, learn the value of hot chocolate and the temple garment and get a better taste in media.

Heavens. I'm surrounded by idiots...

Greek, Aramaic and Other Semitic Languages

I must tell you about how much I love words. I love finding new words and their meanings, along with their meanings in other languages and how even translations never do a word justice. Anyway, in my New Testament class this semester, we've talked a lot about Greek and Hebrew and Aramaic. Here's some of what I've learned, and loved because it has helped my understanding of things. If you don't know, Aramaic is the language that was spoken by Jesus, though few speak it now.

Hebrew/Aramaic/Arabic

كفارة (kafara-as close as I can get with rough translations, this is Arabic however): This is the word used for the Atonement. 

כפרה (kafar-[I'm pretty sure] Hebrew): Atonement. Which could also be translated as to cover, or to forgive.

Kafat (Aramaic-not sure about writing): Atonement or full embrace

Greek

πορνια (pornia): pornography. The root of this heinous plague goes back to Greek. Makes so much sense to me now.

εδεεμ (redem): To redeem. This was used with slaves, when one was buying back a slave. 

εξιλέωση (exielosi): Atonement or expiation. Expiation is to make amends. Guilt is said to be expiated when it is visited with punishment falling on a substitute. Expiation is made for our sins when they are punished not in ourselves but in another who consents to stand in our room.

ομολογώ (homologo): To confess, also to promise, to covenant.

Basically what this is meaning is that sometimes, translations are a bit hazy in the Bible. Some words were used, while others could have and should have been. The word "atonement" is only used once in the entire Bible, yet as Mormons, we believe so fully and so much on the atonement. Instead other words are used, when oftentimes "atonement" should have been. So keep that in mind the next time you're reading from the bible. Translations are next to never perfect; each word, although being translated at the best ability possible, still don't have quite the same meaning when going from one language to another. Slight meanings change, and sometimes it's those slight meanings that, in fact, change the entire meaning of a passage.

And something I want to say about the word "redeem." As I stated, it was used when termed with buying back a slave. Why then is Christ considered our Redeemer? Might I pose a suggestion to that. We all are in a carnal state of mind, that's just life. We are in a state that we cannot help but be carnal and devilish and whatnot, because that is what fallen man is, unless he curbs his appetites and comes unto God. But we all still makes mistakes. So my proposition is this: We all are slaves to sin, slaves to the devil and this carnal nature. But Christ, our Redeemer, is ready, and willing, to buy is back. Not only ready and willing, but He already did, whether you agree to accept it or not.

Just some food for thought.

I'm Not That Daughter

I look out my window and I can't see the sun

I try to put on a smile but it just isn't the one

I pretend to be strong but in truth I want to be done

And the day has just begun...

I want to be that girl that everybody loves

I wish I was the one that no one could let go of

I try to be her but she's who I always fall short of

I can't keep being someone I'm so sick of...

But I just can't keep my head above water

The waves rush in and I'm sinking under.

Try as I might, I'm not that daughter...

I'm not that daughter...

The world tells me I have to be perfect

That if I'm not, I'm just a reject

But I believe it, though it's incorrect

And God proclaims that's nothing He expects

Even so I feel the weight of the world

I'm thrown upside down, around and twirled

I'm so sick of this ride and feeling so whirled

I just want to be me... and unfurl...

But I just can't keep my head above water

The waves rush in and I'm sinking under.

Try as I might, I'm not that daughter...

I'm not that daughter...

I wish I was, just for you.

I'd be the girl you want me to.

I'd do all the things you expect me to

I'd be everything for you...

And you'd be the one to keep me up

You'd lift me higher and never give up

Because I just can't keep my head above water

The waves rush in and I'm sinking under.

Try as I might, I'm not that daughter...

I'm not that daughter...

So thank you God for being that Father...

You're the perfect Father.

Just to Name a Few

I’ve been working on this post for a really long time. Considering the amount of people, this shouldn’t be too surprising. But these here are some (honestly, only some. It really is just a few) of the people that, especially during the last few years, have influenced my life a great deal and have helped mold who I have become today. And I thank God every day for allowing them to be a part of my life, for they bless it, each and every way. So, in no particular order:

Oh, Christina. It's hard for me to put into words what she means to me and how she's changed my life. Many times while in Ukraine, she was the only one who could really reach me. Although that bothered me sometimes, I learned rather quickly that she was one of the people I needed to meet while I was there. I couldn't have gotten through certain times in my life had it not been for her and her willingness to be obedient and listen to the spirit. I will never forget the night we were in Slovakia just sitting up in our room, talking about her experiences on her mission to Belgium. I hold what she said to me then close to my heart, and I will never forget what she's done for me.

Darcie

Darcie. Heavens, we've been friends for far too long :P I have learned so much from you, it's ridiculous. No one else has shown me by example how to trust in the Lord so fully and carefully as you. I look up to you in that sense more than anyone else I know. You're always willing to do what God asks you to and I wish I had more of that in myself. You've been willing to tell me when I've crossed a line, and I'm so grateful for that; most people would never tell me. Thanks for always putting up with my crap.

Kayloni

I can't remember a time when we weren't good friends. It doesn't matter how long we haven't talked or seen each other, the moment we do, it is as if it was only yesterday we had. No matter what, if I need someone, she'll be there, any time of day. She's always there for a listening ear and I can't express my thanks enough. She's my go to girl and we've shared more than even I wish we had :P She's my example of how to always be happy, even when one has every right to be down. No matter what she's always smiling, and I just keep trying to be like that one day.

Honestly, I would have died in Ukraine if it wasn't for her. She was my little slice of home in a country halfway around the world. She always has new insights to share on gospel subjects and always has a smile on her face. No matter what, she is willing to reach out to others and tell them how wonderful, awesome or amazing they are. She's one of those who helped my confidence soar in a way it never had before. She has no idea how often I try to emulate her acts because of the way her actions have changed me, but it's basically all the time. She's always telling everyone else how great they are, but just this once, I want to tell her how amazingly stupendous she is. Because truly, she is.

Tanner

Where do I even begin? The amount of drama has been ridiculous between me and him, but you know what? It's been totally worth it. Thanks to him, I have learned (or at least, gained some) patience. It's because of him that I have learned that sometimes, I really need to get off of my pedestal and grow up. I wish there was some way that I could emulate the determination this kid has to always become better. He's always striving to become more perfected in so many ways, and hopefully I'll be able to be like that one day.

Connie

This girl is always willing to help others. It does not matter how long she's known you, how well she knows you, or if she even knows you at all. She's shown me a kind of compassion that I have seen in few other people and I can't thank her enough. Although I haven't seen her in quite some time, I know that if I were to need anything, I could go to her, and she'd be there.

Nate

No one has complimented me more than this man. He's one of the other reasons I have any sort of confidence in myself. Whenever I see him, he's already got some sort of compliment on the tip of his tongue, and that truly is a gift. He's taught me how to love others, even when they're hard to get along with sometimes. His example is one that I cherish, because his example is one I hope to be one day. He's taught me how one should treat their family and always be their best friend first. And I'm so grateful for it.

Lisa

She was such a struggle to get along with at first. We both were trying so hard to get along, that we just kept clashing. She taught me how to care for those don't get along with. For a week, she took care of me when I wasn't able to take care of myself and I can just imagine the struggle it was to do so. I'm so grateful that I was able to get over my pride and just be friends with her. She taught me a life lesson I will not soon forget.

I miss this girl a lot of days. She was always the fun loving, happy go lucky girl. So many times she was there to just listen. She is such a good listener, and so bad at the advice either. I can't imagine having had to go through high school without her there every weekend. Even when I was half a world away, I knew I could still call her up and chat for no real reason, or a very important reason. She's taught me how to love life, even in the struggles, and I'm so glad I can call her friend.

Torrey

From soccer buds to college friends. We've been through loads together. She's taught me how to put family first. How to do the things that you want to do, despite what others may think. She's shown me how to be studious, something that I wish I could be. She's always there for me, no matter what. Night or day (or before dawn... thanks astronomy) she's there. She's one of the few friends I still have from so long ago, and she's definitely one of the best. 

Heather

My dear twin. Of all the people that I wish I could be like, she's definitely one of the top few. She has taught me so much. To her, life is the greatest gift, and she lives it to the fullest. She's shown me how to be a true friend. How to reach out to those who can't help themselves. How to use one's gifts for good and the nurturing of others. Her example is one that I have seen on few and far between, and she has touched my life in ways that I am still uncovering. 

Taryn

I don't know where I would be without Taryn. It's hard for me to think of how far apart we grown from each other, when we were once the best of friends. I could not have gotten through high school without her at my side. She has always been one to be obedient to her parents, and I honestly envy her of that. She's taught me how one can and should restrain yourself from doing something stupid or rude. Her patience amazes me, and I'm so glad I have been friends with her long enough to have some of that patience rub off onto me. 

Marissa

My sister. By living in her life on the sidelines, I have learned so much. I have been forced to grow spiritually in ways I never thought imaginable because she needed help and I was the one who needed to give it to her. She's taught me humility. She's helped me understand Christ. She's beloved to me in a way that few understand. Many wonder how in the world we are friends, and to them I say, they don't know a thing. She is the salt to my pepper, the cheese to my macaroni. I would be, literally, in hell, if not for her.

Whitney

She's one of those, "I know I'm not perfect, but dangit I'm going to do the best I can anyway" kinds of people. She has such a determination to do good. I really wish I was more like that. Her smile is one that can light up an entire building, not just a room. I love her go-to attitude, her "I'm cool with who I am" aura. She lives to please herself and her God, not the rest of the world. The self confidence she has developed is one that I can only dream of achieving one day. She's taught me how to believe in myself through her example, and taught me to also just be myself, something I've always struggled with. Pretty much, I just love everything about this girl. And I honestly wonder how in the world I would have survived the east coast for 2 weeks if not for her. 

Jon

The wingman of my life. Jon needs an entire blog post to himself to express what he's taught me. To name a few things he's taught me: how to raise a family, how to give a listening ear, how to follow the spirit, how to know when to bend the rules just a little bit, for the benefit of another person (even if you could get in heaps of trouble for doing so), how to befriend those in need, how to smile through the pain, how to trust God's judgement, how to trust your own judgement, and most importantly, how to live a Christ-like life. He's been there for me since I was 12 and I can't imagine life without him. Frankly, I probably wouldn't have a life to live if not for him.

Sheri

Hands down the most charitable person I know. She's like Jon in the fact that she  needs her own post to explain all she's taught me, but for the short version: how to be compassionate, how to admit you need help, how to smile even when you're crying, how to trust in the Lord, how to take care and raise a family, how to accept those who can't accept themselves, how to cook (ha ha), how to respect family, and most importantly, how to take others in under your wing. I can't thank her enough for the number of times she's done each of these for me.There are only a handful of people that I love as much as her.

Doug

I won't even get into this one much. Most importantly, Doug has shown me what God sees in me. By the way he treats me every day (or every week as it is now), I know how much God loves me, because I know how much Doug does. I couldn't possibly thank him enough for all that he's taught me over the last 4 years which is why I'm so grateful I'll have an eternity to show him. 

A Tool in the Lord's Hands

I have been friends with Tony for as long as I can remember, way back in elementary school. We were never super good friends who talked all the time, but growing up we always hung out at school and pretty frequently hung out on weekends with all our common friends. I always had a crush on him (yeah, embarrassing) and at some points I know he knew. Gratefully it didn’t freak him out too bad…

A little more than a year ago, Tony went on a mission. The fact that he went was a miracle in itself because his dad was in the hospital at the time; rumor was he could die. In fact, it was pretty likely. I was so proud of him for making the decision to still serve the Lord although this hardship had fallen on his family. He gave one of the most touching and amazing farewell talks I had ever heard, and I was touched deeply by it. We talked for about a half hour at his house afterwards, which was pretty impressive for us. It was really nice to just… talk. I told him of my plans to go to Ukraine in August and how I hoped it would come sooner. He told me about all sorts of things about him I never really knew before. It was great to have that last time with him. But that was the last I’d hear from him or he from me for a long time…

I ended up going to Ukraine less than 2 weeks after talking to Tony. I was there for 5 months, and during one of my last few weeks there I got the idea to write a bunch of my friends from high school and such that were now on missions. I had 5 in mind, but somehow only ever got to 4 of them. Needless to say, it was Alan whom I continued to put off—not on purpose, but just because I got so busy wanting to see everything I could since I was going home in less than a month at that point.

It wasn’t until almost 2 months after I had been home that I saw Tony’s mom in July at a friend’s wedding reception. We talked for a while, and she said I really should write Tony because he loved getting mail and would love to hear from me. I agreed and she gave me his address. I wrote him immediately that night, because I felt especially bad since I had planned to write him so much sooner. I finished the letter the next day and sealed it up. I brought it out to my car, so I wouldn’t forget it was there and would take it to the post office in one of the next few days… However, after a week, it somehow got lost. After 2 months of searching for that letter, I finally found it in the back seat of my car—somewhere I still don’t know how it got there. I got the feeling that I really needed to send it soon, so I immediately went to the post office and sent it off.

I didn’t expect to hear back from him honestly. Only one of the other 4 letters wrote back and in all honesty it was a pretty outdated letter at that point… by over 2 months. And as time went on I knew I wouldn’t hear from him. Or so I had assumed.

Yesterday, my dad came in with the mail. He tossed me a letter. I was expecting one from Doug and instead was shocked to see “Elder Holman” on the front. I tore it open so quick. I had sent him that letter just shy of 6 months earlier, and I was so excited to see what he’d have to say. Mainly because I couldn’t even remember what I had written… ha ha. Anyway, here’s the whole point to this post.

First off, I was shocked at how long the letter was. Two pages front and back? Of England paper, which is longer than American 8 ½ x 11 inches. It was really impressive. And I seriously wondered what in the world he could talk to me that long about…

Once again, Tony touched me deeply. His letter… I’ll just have to share excerpts to help you understand along with me commentary.

About the same time as I talked to Tony’s mom, Tony became senior companion for the first time. He got a new companion, and it was evident right from the get go that they did not get along. With that came constant contention, loads of self-criticism along with his companion also putting in his two cents. Not to mention the fact that the work was completely dead where he was at. “Rain or shine we were facing massive rejection every day. I felt absolutely hopeless. I was doing what I was supposed to do, but to be frank, hating my life. Obviously my prayers were full of pleading and begging for strength and help in this difficult time.”

Tony continues to talk about October General Conference. Apparently, it’s like Christmas for missionaries :) During one of the breaks between sessions, Tony’s district leader brought their mail to them. That day he got my letter. “I continued to open it up right then and there and read your letter. Heather, your letter was the answer to my prayers.”

Now I don’t want to go into too much detail about what he said to me or I to him, and I don’t say what little I do to toot my own horn either. But I said to him what I felt, clear back in July, needed to be said for some reason. I wanted him to know of the times during high school where I was grateful for him, when he was such a good friend to me, when I was least expecting it. And anything good and uplifting I could think of. I told him of the words Genshai and Namaste, words that I learned while I was in Ukraine that brought so much more meaning to my life (I’ll do posts about those words later). “It touched me a great deal. So much so that on my next missionary planner, I wrote on the back, Genshai and Namaste-Never treat anyone small or make them feel small- NOT EVEN YOURSELF! It was almost as if you knew exactly what I was going through.”

At the very end of his letter he said this: "Even though it took me so long to respond, the impact of your letter was real. I hope you are loving life! It's meant to be loved ya know. Always remember Genshai. I have till this day."

I suppose that, to a point, I understood what Tony was going through, but I can assure you that, seeing as I hadn’t heard a thing from him (I don’t even get the weekly emails forwarded to me or anything) in over 7 months, I did not know what he was going through. At that time when I wrote the letter, I was on a spiritual high. I was feeling so good (which is always the best time to write letters) and essentially, all I was, was a tool in the Lord’s hands. And I have never been so grateful for that in my entire life.

I almost forgot: He also left me with the scripture John 16:33. Little did he know at the time that that too would be an answer to my prayers. I could not thank him enough for being in tune with the spirit enough to send me that. Turns out I'm not the only one being a tool in the Lord's hands...

So the next time you get a prompting of sorts—bake cookies for a neighbor, call someone randomly for no apparent reason, write a letter to a dear friend you haven’t spoken to in years—DO IT. You never know what kind of effect it could have on them.