It All Rolls into One

Choices are funny things. Lately I've been noticing just how much even the little choices make a difference and effect our lives.

Take sin for instance. The choice to sin effects us so much, and sometimes we don't even realize it at the time, and we don't realize what it has changed with us until much later. Even just noticing the next day how much worse you feel and the guilt and the weight on your shoulders you put on yourself and the sadness that comes along with it... It all just adds on top of itself. And it never ends, if you continue. It's like that lie that you thought was just a little lie and didn't mean anything at the time, but then it just eats at you. And keeps eating and eating until there's nothing left...

I don't know. I've just had too much time to think lately. And I'm feeling less than awesome. And it just seems like being human is always going to get the best of me... because I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm feeling pretty low right now, and I can't seem to shake it. Because I can't seem to get myself out of the rut I've managed to get myself into.

I know everyone has problems. I know everyone has bad days. But this is so much more than that. And, even though I know others have very similar problems... I still feel scummy. I know I shouldn't, everyone tells me I shouldn't because... well there are a lot of reasons. But I still do.

I wish I could just get in control of my life. I wish I could master myself.